Category Archives: "Tough Days"

Hope Kissed My Soul…

And then she flew away…

Less than a handful of days ago, a little conversation happened that gave me this  fuzzy embryonic white star of promise. Kinda like a sip of cool clear water after a long, dry, barren sojourn in a desolate land. Now I have never hiked in a desert, in fact, I live in a country of soulish, wild beauty. However, I do know about living in the great chilly expanse of a dream deferred and this Lilliputian possibility generated a sense of joy…you know the kind when you think some serious, long-standing juggernaut  just might vaporize, like the walls of Jericho.

But that is not what happened. Hope was a one night stand. We are back to this journey driven in the night, only seeing as far ahead as the lights from the high beams fall.

And this morning, I just want to say, “Really, God?”

And I want to say, “Shit” and a whole lot of other explicatives, because you know what?,  I am not hardening my heart to the possibility of miracles, but just this time, after this long uphill ascent, I was vulnerable to the wanting-it-so-much-to-change thing. And this place in my chest hurts. It’s not physical. It’s that place where the little girl lives who is still waiting for her Christmas present to come.

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Filed under "The Journey", "Tough Days", Dreams

Confessions of a Mask Wearer

Not a great title. I know. Kinda of clunky, like me right now. Tough day yesterday, and nobody knew it. We have some unrealized twenty-two year old dreams that we have not been able to bring out of the misty realms of hope, imagination, and wonder into the physical world in which we dwell. And to be honest, they are a heavy press on some days. Like a troubled child that you adore and cannot abandon, are these offspring of our souls. And yet like some corrective brace for unruly teeth or a twisted limb, they have shaped us by the hardship that naturally comes with off-road travel. What I am saying is that if we had not obeyed this inward vision and created a more conventional life, I probably wouldn’t have healed and grown up. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish for breakthrough…for some inkling of a crack in the wall of impossible.

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Filed under "The Journey", "Tough Days", Dreams, Healing, Pain